Why aren't we happy? Over generations of prosperity and growth, the American dream has become different American expectations. A version of happiness achieved by entitlement and equation: Two fat incomes plus a two-car garage plus two master-bathroom sinks plus two-point-something kids equals one happy family. Well a recent analysis of the world database of happiness, covering the years 1946 to 2006, found rising happiness levels in 19 of 26 countries around the world; the United States was not one of them. Infact, we the people have grown continuously more depressed over the last half-century.
One of the factors that contribute to the American expectations is marriage. Everyone expects their marriage partner to be our best friend, a great parent, a soul mate, really good looking, and to have a good sense of humor. Nobody can actually fulfill these high expectations so they are failed while in marriage. The percentage of Americans unhappy in marriage is a full ten points higher today than it was 30-odd years ago. It was also proven that a child born to unmarried cohabiting parents in Sweden has a better chance of living with both parents at sixteen than a kid born to married parents in the United States. Kids are another contributing factor to American expectations, after all children turn couples into a families and having a family is apart of the American dream. Surveys have discovered more depression and unhappiness in adults with kids than those without. Scientists understands this phenomenon as a ruthless combination of social isolation, lack of outside support, and the anticipation of the overflow of bliss that we believe is the certain outcome of every birth. We as Americans expect that children guarantee a life filled with happiness, joy, excitement, contentment, satisfaction, and pride are a source of stress for all parents. Along with children, a house is necessary to shelter your family, yet another part of the American Dream. “Suburban Expectation” is the idea of building a family and a community in a tamed expanse of land. Fifty years ago homes averaged 1,700 square feet. Now that figure is up to 2,700 square feet. Swiss economists reported that people gladly trade a longer day commute for a bigger home in the suburbs. Americans have the longest workweek in the developed world. Its a vicious cycle: How to shelter and school our kids, requires more time at work to pay for the needs of the family, and extra. That explains why mothers and fathers spent more time both at the office and with their children in 2009 than they did in 1975. This dream of arriving at some destination of deep fulfillment, a place where parenting will give profound joy and satisfaction; where the romance of partnership is eternal; where making a home payment on the first of every month is a source of pride and not anxiety, is often no more than a dream. By adjusting our expectations, and recognizing that one must balance pleasure and sacrifice , we can at least have a conversation about when the dream is, and is not, worth chasing. |